1 Cor 13.8-13
At
the heart of this service is an act of prayer, when we read the names of those
we have loved who have died and light candles for them, remembering them before
God and one another. I hope all the other aspects of the service are helpful
too, but I know it’s that central act of prayer which is the focus, the moment
that’s most important tonight.
But
what is it we’re doing when we pray tonight?
That’s
a question that may be difficult to answer, and all our answers would probably
be different.
For
a start, the people we grieve were all different. A prayer for a much loved
parent who died peacefully in extreme old age will be different from a prayer
for someone who died before their time, or in tragic circumstances, or with whom
we had a troubled relationship.
Grief
changes over time, too, and so the prayers that express it change. I hesitate
to say that time heals, because sometimes it doesn’t feel like that at all, but
the desperate, raw prayer that screams at God in disbelief when we first hear
of a sudden death isn’t the same as the prayer we pray once we’ve lived with
that reality for months or years. That doesn’t mean our love has changed; it is
just that the human body can’t sustain that first, intense level of shock and
sadness forever, even if we wanted it to. As we mull over our memories repeatedly,
they gradually become part of the warp and weft of our life, familiar, quieter
sadnesses.
And,
of course, we may understand prayer differently because we have different ideas
about God. Some people here may picture an old man with a white beard when they
pray. In fact the Bible doesn’t very often describe God like that, but somehow
it is the image that seems to have stuck with people. For some that traditional image may be benign
and comforting, for others it may seem forbidding or distant. It usually
depends on the messages we received in childhood. Some may see they person of
Jesus in their mind’s eyes when they pray. Others may be praying to something
far less definitely formed. They may see God as light, love, peace, mystery. Sometimes when
people pray after a death, it is really those they mourn who they’re talking
to. Many people carry on holding conversations with those who’ve died for a
long time, if not forever. It is perfectly normal. When you’ve been talking to
someone every day for decades, it would be odd if you could suddenly stop doing
so simply because they’re not physically present. I am sure, too, that there
are people here who aren’t really talking to anyone – divine or human – but who
still value the time to remember and honour their memories.
What
are we doing tonight when we pray? Many things, and most of them we can’t
explain. Fortunately, though, no one is going to ask you to, because Christians
believe that there’s no exam to pass before we pray, no special technique we
need to master, no right or wrong way to do it. It’s just a matter of turning
up. Prayer is just us, as we are, being ourselves in the presence of God. We
don’t need to understand or articulate it. We just have to turn up.
“That will be heaven”, said the *poem I just read,
“to stand like the sunflower turned full
face to the sun”. Evangeline Paterson sees heaven as being like a perfect
act of prayer, being in God’s presence and “never
turning away again”. And in God’s presence everything else is present too. Even
the “circling planets hum with an utter
joy”, she says. And it seems to me that if “the circling planets” are in on the act, then surely, those we
mourn are also there, joining in the song.
Heaven,
for Evangeline Paterson, is a perfect act of prayer, when we are one with God,
and one with all that God has made, including those we love. So maybe that
means that our very momentary and imperfect times of prayer can give us a
glimpse of heaven too. Our Bible reading tonight reminded us that heaven is
where we finally see as we are see and know as we are known, fully and
joyfully. We may not be there yet. We may feel far off, but in prayer, we can
get a glimpse of that moment, an echo of that perfect peace and perfect oneness,
which will sustains us until we “never
turn away again”.
In
a moment the choir are going to sing a song from the Iona community to lead us
into our act of prayer and remembrance. “Listen
Lord; Listen Lord, not to our words but to our prayer” runs the chorus. It
is easy to get hung up on words – the words we pray, the words we use to talk
about prayer – but these will, at best, always be frustratingly imprecise,
never quite saying what we really mean. What
matters, this song remind us, is not the words, but the prayer itself, simply
turning up, and trusting that God – whatever we mean by God - has turned up
too. The fact that we are here is enough, with our memories, joyful and
sorrowful, with our thanks, with our regrets and our fears. This is our prayer.
The God who hears what we can’t say, and knows what we can’t express will do
the rest.
Amen
*Evangeline Paterson's poem can be found in "The heart's time" by Janet Morley, p.156, but a Google search will probably lead you to it as well.