Doubt & Hope

 

John 20.19 – end, Acts 5.27-32

Welcome to the week after Easter, Christ is risen, death has been defeated, we have celebrated, the chocolate eggs have been eaten, and the Priest deserves a rest. Now the disciple Thomas calls us to reflect and consider what this all really means to us.

In our Acts reading we get an insight into the lasting effect that Jesus’ appearance to the disciples has had. We heard that when he appeared ‘the doors were locked for fear of the Jews,’ yet in front of the Jewish Council and the High Priest the disciples seem to have found a new clarity of understanding about who Jesus is and this is reflected in their assertive and blunt replies.

It’s often an unwelcome surprise to those who believe themselves to be all powerful when the little people they feel they can control dare to quote a higher power, a greater and more enduring wisdom.

Is this the same Peter who denied knowing Jesus, confidently proclaiming what he now knows and understands to be true? He tells the Council that it is God who must be obeyed no matter how much power and suffering you can inflict upon us, you’re the ones who should be worried for killing his Son, I paraphrase on behalf of Peter.

After all, when Jesus appears to the frightened disciples who have locked themselves in a house it’s not to vent his anger at being denied and deserted by those closest to him, even leaving him to suffer and die, but to say ‘Peace be with you’, it’s the offer of a new relationship with the risen Christ which causes a spontaneous outbreak of joy.

Sadly, we still don’t need to look far to see the inhumanity of mankind in our world today, and fear of terrible suffering is all too real for so many, a situation the disciples could relate to. Understandably they were frightened. So scared, in fact, that, they hid behind locked doors. And who can blame them? They had just witnessed the one they confessed to be the Messiah betrayed by one of his own, tried and convicted by both religious and civil authorities, and then brutally executed. Little wonder they were afraid, assuming that the next step would be to round up Jesus’ followers. But when Jesus comes on the scene, their fear falls away and is replaced by joy.

What does it mean for us that Jesus showed the disciples ‘his hands and his side’? Perhaps there’s a message to all who obsess over physical appearance that even a resurrected Christ was prepared to share his scars and his wounds. Or maybe, it made the resurrection all the more believable that this is not some sanitised version of victory but one which has involved suffering, pain and sorrow.

But what about Thomas, who was out when all this was happening. Do you ever wonder where or why? Perhaps he was just getting bread or oil but it can’t have been easy to hear the others say something like…you’ll never guess who came to see us while you were out! Put in that way it’s not surprising that he wants to see and feel Jesus for himself, he’s missed out massively.  I’m sure that many of us can relate to him. He wants his own resurrection experience, his own living encounter with Christ, not a second-hand version.

Of course, Thomas already has history with Jesus, back in John 14 we find him asking more questions when Jesus said ‘And you know the way to the place where I am going.’ Thomas said to him, ‘Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, you will know my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.’

Perhaps Thomas drew on this and for him the ultimate realisation of ‘the way’ was to be in the physical presence of his Lord and God once more. After all an empty tomb means little without a body.

In being this way Thomas slows everything down, helps us to linger, reflect and remember that his grief was real , he wasn’t ready to let go, he was still in deep mourning. All of us who have lost someone we love can relate to this. We have have yearned for just one more interaction with the person who has died, to know them again as we knew them before, please God we may ask, just one more time.

We can use words and live lives that demonstrate what we believe but ultimately we cannot prove that God loves us too much to abandon us anymore than we can prove that love for another is real, at some point we have to accept it or reject it.

When we think of how Jesus responded to Thomas’ doubts it seems to be an open invitation for us to bring our own questions to him, question time with Jesus if you like.

There’s nothing off the agenda, one person I heard of is keen to find out why God made mosquitoes, but we may have bigger questions or doubts to bring to Jesus like why does evil and injustice seem to thrive in some parts of the world or is my loved one now safe in your keeping.

A week could have felt like an eternity for Thomas, maybe he was just becoming resigned to a future where he would have to live with doubt when Jesus arrived and said ‘peace be with you’ and ‘do not doubt but believe.’

We shouldn’t expect instant answers either but be open to hearing Christ’s voice in different ways, sometimes unexpected people or situations may enlighten us or reassure us of God’s love.

It may seem a counter intuitive thing to say but his doubts may help make our faith more real. It’s hard to relate to a version of the Christian story which is neat and simple, teaching all taken at face value. We should never feel guilty to say that we cannot find God where others tell us he is, to say this isn’t real for me, to explore and look for God in our own way. I’m with Rev Mark Oakley when he said he remains ‘unconvinced that reality is mirrored neatly in the recitation of any creed’. God is too big to be contained or packaged up in any phrase or physical space.

We need space and time for our faith to be felt, tested, lived with and ultimately become part of who we are to make it authentic, something that others may find believable.

Tom Wright, in his book ‘Surprised by Hope’ wrote “Frankly, what we have at the moment isn’t, as the old liturgies used to say, “the sure and certain hope of the resurrection of the dead” but the vague and fuzzy optimism that somehow things may work out in the end.”

I can really relate to that, there are so many aspects of God that we don’t know, yet I remain optimistic that our relationship with him will work out eventually, not because we deserve it or fully understand it but because he loves us. I’d happily have that proclaimed at my funeral ‘In the vague and fuzzy understanding that kept alive his optimism that it will all work out OK in the end’ , could it catch on as a new liturgy?

When we think of the disciples and their sending out by Jesus it has to be to a new more honest interaction with the people. They are aware of their weaknesses and failures, promises to stick with Jesus through anything turned out to be lies, lies for which Jesus doesn’t even demand an apology. He understands their human fallibility and wants to restore them to go out and serve the people once again. It’s time to rely less on their own strength and more on their response to God’s calling.

It’s a message we can draw upon as we continue our own journey through life, aware of our own weaknesses but also of the liberating hope and forgiveness available to us each and every day.

It’s for us to live out our lives to the full by being ourselves, carrying our mental and physical scars in the knowledge that they are shared with Christ.

Amen

Kevin Bright

23^rd April 2022